I don't think you're ready for this jelly...

I read a story today that made me cry laughing (I mean really hard). It seems this diver for Global (in Louisiana) wrote an email to his sister about a particular experience he had while diving. It sounded just like something that Kris would tell me (about someone else). In fact, when I read it to him he said, "you wouldn't believe how often that happens". I realise that this email has been circulating on several sites, but mine is likely one of the few that would consider this on topic, so here it is again (or for the first time for some):

Just another note from your bottom-dwelling brother. Last week I had a bad day at the office. I know you've been feeling down lately at work, so I thought I would share my dilemma with you to make you realize it's not so bad after all. Before I can tell you what happened to me, I first must bore you with a few technicalities of my job. As you know, my office lies at the bottom of the sea. I wear a suit to the office. It is a wet suit and this time of year the water is quite cool! So to keep warm we have a diesel powered industrial water heater. This $20,000 piece of equipment sucks the water out of the sea and heats it to a delightful temperature. It then pumps it down to the diver through a garden hose, which is taped to the air hose. Now this sounds like a darn good plan, and I've used it several times with no complaints. What I do when I get to the bottom and start working is take the hose and stuff it down the back of the wet suit. This floods my whole suit with warm water. It's like working in a Jacuzzi. Everything was going well until all of a sudden, my butt started to itch. Of course, I scratched it. This only made things worse. Within a few seconds my butt started to burn.. I pulled the hose out from my back, but the damage was done. In agony I realized what had happened. The hot water machine had sucked up a jelly fish and pumped it into my suit. Now, since I don't have any hair on my back, the jellyfish couldn't stick to it. However, the crack of my butt was not as fortunate. When I scratched what I thought was an itch, I was actually grinding the jellyfish into the crack of my butt. I informed the dive supervisor of my dilemma over the communicator. His instructions were unclear due to the fact the he, along with five other divers, were all laughing hysterically. Needless to say, I aborted the dive. I was instructed to make three agonizing in-water decompression stops totaling thirty-five minutes before I could reach the surface to begin my chamber dry. When I arrived at the surface I was wearing nothing but my brass helmet. As I climbed out of the water, the medic, with tears of laughter running down his face, handed me a tube of cream and told me to rub it on my butt as soon as I got in the chamber. The cream put the fire out, but I couldn't poop for two days because my butt was swollen shut. So next time you're having a bad day at work, think about how much worse it would be if you had a jellyfish shoved up your butt.

Oh man, it never gets old. I am still laughing. God bless those guys for all they put up with. A tip for any diver: if you didn't dive naked (and I know MANY of you do) you could put the hose between your coveralls and your clothes. Consider it.